Let's Save Shazza!
by Neo-Queen Serendipity
Summary: Boss Cass kidnaps Shazza and brings her to Tony Abbott, who plans to torture her and take over Southern Rivers. But Ty won't let that happen and will kick the overgrown turkey and the speedo-wearing jerk in the bollocks. Now Ty will have to find Shazza in time or she'll be pregnant with Tony Abbott's child!
1. Chapter 1

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** CHARACTERS ARE NOT MINE! They belong to some Australians.

 **CHAPTER ONE**

One fine day in Australia, Shazza and Ty were in front of Shazza's house. Shazza was putting some shrimp on the barbie while Ty was relaxing on the hammock, talking to his friend Maurie on his cellphone.

"G'day, mate!" said Ty. "It sure is boring around here. Nothing's happened at all since we got home from our vacation in the Alice. What? That ugly old hag who works at the gas station wants to know where your car keys are? Tell her it's none of her bizzo."

While this was going on, Boss Cass, the ugly, evil cassowary, was looking at them behind a bush.

"All right, mate. Now I'm gonna balls up their fun by kidnapping Shazza and making her Tony Abbott's sex slave." said Cass.

Things hadn't been going to well. Cass was going through hard times due to the global recession, and now he was working as a hitman for Tony Abbott, that disgusting, racist speedo-wearing old fart.

"Oh, possum," said Shazza. "Ever since you got that cellphone, you've been one it nonstop. You've been using it in bed, during brekky, even in the bogger."

Suddenly, there was a strange noise.

"What was that?" asked Shazza.

Ty looked up.

"I'll call you back," he said to Maurie, and hung up.

"I reckon it's Boss Cass up to no good, mate!" said Ty. "Maybe he's trying to kidnap you and make you date Julia Gillard."

"Ew," said Shazza. "I can't date Julia Gillard! Julia Gillard's a lesbian. I'm 100% hetero. I prefer hot dogs to artichoke stuffed with tuna."

"Artichoke stuffed with tuna? Who eats that?" asked Ty. "Anyway, I think he might be spying on us for that budgie smuggler-wearing piece of shit Tony Abbott."

"You're right," said Shazza.

"That overgrown turkey's up to no good, I know it!" said Ty.

Then, suddenly, a giant claw came out of nowhere and grabbed Shazza.

"Shazza!" said Ty.

"He's got me!" screamed Shazza.

Boss Cass jumped out the bushes.

"Now I've got you, and now I can bring you back to Tony Abbott, who will experiment on you." said Cass.

"You let her go, you plonko!" said Ty.

"Never!" said Cass. "Or Tony will get his Aussie lifesavers to kill you and we'll dine on your thylacine head, you cunt!"

Ty hated Aussie lifesavers, those stupid, speedo-wearing assholes whose pastimes include doing drugs and being racist towards Lebanese people. This made him so mad that he lunged at Boss Cass and tried to break his beak, but to no avail.

Shazza screamed as Cass' giant claw grabbed her and banged her against the ground.

"Stop!" said Ty. Then he turned to the wicked cassowary. "If she ends up injured, I swear I'll fucking cut you!"

Boss Cass threw Shazza in his jeep, bound and gagged her, and drove off.

"Shazza!" said Ty. "Don't worry, I'll come get you!" Ty ran after the jeep, but as jeeps are much faster than Tasmanian tigers, Ty couldn't get to Shazza fast enough. Still, he wouldn't give up. He was going to save Shazza no matter what!

While Boss Cass was driving away, he called Tony Abbott on his cellphone.

"G'day, Mr. Abbott," said Cass.

"Did you get the girl?" said Tony Abbott.

"I sure got that dingo bitch," said Cass. "Now I'll bring her back to you so you can torture her and do other misogynistic things to her."

"Excellent," Tony Abbott said like Mr. Burns from The Simpsons. We get a view of Tony Abbott sitting on his throne. He is wearing nothing but a red speedo. He laughed cruelly and maniacally. He then addressed his speedo-wearing bogan lifesavers. "Go guard the prisons. And once Shazza gets here, torture her."

Will Ty get to Shazza in time? Stay tuned for the next chapter.

* * *

Do ya like it, mate? Please review!


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

Within a matter of time, Boss Cass' had gotten into Tony Abbott's dungeon (aka Mordor). Boss Cass threw Shazza into a prison cell. The prison cell had a bed that consisted of nothing but an old mattress and a ripped blanket. On the wall there were pictures of faggot rugby players like David Pocock (anyone with "cock" in their last name is sinful and worthy of getting their ass kicked) wearing speedos, of course. A poster that said "Kill All Muzzies" was hanging in one corner, and the whole place smelled like male bodily fluids.

Shazza got up and broke free of her restraints. She looked out the window and saw the depravity of Tony Abbott's hellish prison. There were Aussie lifesavers and AFL players and rugby players in speedos who were working out and singing Chris Franklin's song "Bloke" (a ghastly butchering of Meredith Brooks' hit single "Bitch"). There were guys in speedos kissing and making out. It didn't help that the sky was as orange as a Jersey Shore slut.

Boss Cass and Tony Abbott walked in front of Shazza's cell. Boss Cass was wearing a lavender pimp coat and matching pimp trousers with a Hello Kitty vibrator sticking out of the pocket, while Tony Abbott was wearing a disgusting red speedo.

"We have you now, bitch," said Cass.

"Welcome to my world," said Tony Abbott, shaking his speedo-clad butt.

"Eww," said Shazza, "you're disgusting and your mouths smell like baby gravy."

"Why thank you, and now it's time for your life sentence to start!" said Tony Abbott. "You bloody cunt should better rest up tonight, cuz tomorrow you're gonna clean the dunnies from top to bottom, weed the gardens, and wash all my speedos. It will be most dinkum torture for you!"

"I will never clean your disgusting dong sarongs!" said Shazza.

"You will, my little bitch," said Tony Abbott.

"Or else I'll give you a swift kick in the groin," said Cass.

Shazza cowered in fear as she looked at the cassowary's razor sharp talons.

Once Boss Cass and Tony Abbott were gone, Shazza just lay in bed and tried to sleep. Tomorrow was going to be a long day, and it was going to be hard for Ty to get to her prison cell, not with all of Tony Abbott's speedo-wearing bogans patrolling the place at night.

The next morning, Shazza got to work cleaning the bathrooms. Two speedo-clad rugby players supervised her.

"That dingo bitch looks weak," said one of the goons.

"Bet I could make her squeal like a piggy," said the other.

"No, my dear cunt, I could do it better," said the first one.

"You bloody wretch," said the other one.

The two sodomites got into a fight while Shazza just shrugged it off and continued cleaning.

Boss Cass walked into the bathroom, about to excrete feces from his cloaca.

"You little wankers," he said, "quit your fighting and continue abusing the girl while I go lay down some brown."

The two speedo-clad rugby players got to beating and sexually harassing poor Shazza.

Later that day, Shazza was in her jail cell, her arms aching from all the work she was forced at gunpoint to do. She was grossed out after having to clean the skid marks out of Tony Abbott's speedos - after all, he had more speedos than Imelda Marcos had shoes.

Shazza saw Boss Cass enter the cell. He was wearing a Madonna-style cone bra, a hipster scarf, and a pair of skinny jeans.

"Here's your lunch, cunt," he said, throwing it against the wall. "It's gruel." The cassowary walked away.

Shazza walked over to the wall and licked the gruel - she had no choice but to do it. She then lay down on the bed and looked at the broken ceiling fan on the ceiling. She was feeling tired and decided to rest. Three speedo-clad lifeguards walked by, speaking about lewd topics. They took no notice of Shazza. Shazza could do little more than cower in fear.

"Oh, Ty, please get me out of this mess!" she said.

* * *

Did you like Chapter 2? Please leave a review!


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE**

By midnight, it was dark, and now it was time for more torture. Not long after Shazza woke up, Tony Abbott walked over to her cell. He was wearing a disgusting blue speedo and smiling like a racist bogan.

"Hello, bloody cunt," he said wickedly. "Today you are going to be my sex slave!"

Shazza whimpered.

Tony Abbott opened Shazza's jail cell, grabbed Shazza, and dragged her to a dark room. In this room, he threw her on a table, where two speedo-clad rugby players held her down. Other speedo-clad rugby players were standing near them. Tony Abbott then stripped Shazza, pulled down his speedo, and stuck his dick into her private parts. Shazza screamed as Tony Abbott raped her.

"Get off of me!" said Shazza.

"NO!" yelled a voice.

Shazza turned around. It was gay rugby player David Pocock, and he was wearing a black speedo and carrying a whip. David Pocock whipped Shazza, beat her, and raped her while he said he wanted to kill all Muzzies (which Shazza wasn't bothered by since all Australian Muslims are criminals anyway). He then grabbed her by the hair, threw her against the wall, and kicked her in the jaw. Luckily, none of her teeth fell out.

Tony Abbott then grabbed Shazza's face and started to grope her as the rugby players took turns raping Shazza. Shazza kicked David Pocock and scratched his arms and screamed at him.

"YOU FAGGOTS WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS!" she yelled.

Tony Abbott growled and slapped her.

"I've had enough of this," said Tony Abbott. "I've had enough violating Shazza for one night. Go tell Boss Cass to call it a night." David Pocock went to tell Boss Cass the news. Boss Cass was in his bedroom, naked as a jaybird, watching Neighbours (the shitty Australian soap opera that every Anglo-Saxon bogan in Australia watches). Boss Cass then told David Pocock to tell their lawyer, Cory Bernardi, to give them rusty syringes so they could inject Ty with AIDS. It was part of their plan to take over Southern Rivers and turn Ty's hometown into a rugby stadium and turn all the marsupials into slaves.

Meanwhile, Ty was running through the eucalyptus woods, trying to reach Shazza in time. He had casts to his feet because he had been running nonstop to catch up to Boss Cass, Tony Abbott, and all those other sodomites.

"Those buggers are gonna pay for this!" said Ty. "But how am I going to get to that bloody dungeon?"

Ty then noticed a bunch of emus feeding in the back of some trees. He jumped on one of them, grabbed a harness, and had the emu charge to the dungeon.

The next morning, David Pocock was looking on the radar. He saw that Ty was approaching the dungeon on the radar.

"Your Highness!" he cried like a blonde white girl to Tony Abbott. "Now we'll never be able to take over Southern Rivers!"

"THAT BASTARD!" said Tony Abbott, who was dining on "tomato soup", which was not real tomato soup, but the blood of murdered Aborigines.

Meanwhile, Shazza was looking around her jail cell. There were other cells all around, where Tony Abbott kept Aborigines, who he was going to sell as slaves to white Australian families. They were speaking in savage ooga booga languages so Shazza didn't understand them. She then saw an angry David Pocock and other angry rugby players in speedos storming towards her.

"YOU!" he said. "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"What did I do?" asked Shazza.

"You sent that fucking thylacine to save you!" yelled David Pocock. "Now I'm going to kill you!"

The rugby players beat Shazza to a pulp and then left her. Luckily, she was still alive, so Fagcock's plan had failed.

Ty was getting closer and closer to the dungeon. Tony Abbott called on his militia of speedo-clad Aussie lifesavers to pursue him. But as we all know, the speedo-wearing bogans are going to lose in the end. Stay tuned for next chapter!

* * *

Did you like this chapter? Please comment (unless you're a guy who wears speedos).


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR**

When Ty reached Tony Abbott's racist dungeon, he broke in. A bunch of speedo-clad lifeguards ran up to him and tried to rape him, but he gunned them down and then killed them and drank their fucking blood.

Ty ran through the hallways, shooting every speedo-wearing bogan in sight, fighting his way to Shazza.

Eventually, he reached Shazza's cell.

"Ty? Is that you?" said Shazza.

"Yes, it's me," said Ty, "here to break you out of here."

"You're my hero!" said Shazza. "Those speedo-wearing bogans tortured me and raped me."

Then, all of a sudden, David Pocock, clad in a rainbow-colored speedo, walked in and stomped.

"THAT'S IT, BITCH!" he screamed. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU BOTH!"

"Over my dead body, you faggot!" yelled Ty.

David Pocock stomped down the hallway. Ty then grabbed a knife and ran up to David Pocock, slashed the knife through his speedo, and severed his wiener. David Pocock screamed like a shemale and then Ty impaled the guy through the neck, killing him. But it was not long before Boss Cass and Tony Abbott showed up. Tony Abbott was wearing a black and white speedo and Boss Cass was wearing silky purple pajamas and a yellow scarf. Several rugby players in speedos were following them.

"So, you thought you could escape from us?" said Boss Cass.

"Well, you can't, you bogans," said Tony Abbott.

"YOU TWO ARE THE BOGANS!" yelled Ty. "YOU KIDNAPPED SHAZZA AND TORTURED AND RAPED HER!"

"By the power of my budgie smugglers, I'll slay you," said Tony Abbott.

"Ty, we must get out of here!" said Shazza.

"GUARDS, GET THEM!" yelled Tony Abbott.

The speedo-wearing rugby players tried to hold down Ty and Shazza, but Ty killed them all and protected Shazza. Then Tony Abbott screamed like a faggot and pulled a switch. Dozens of _Nephila edulis_ and _Nephila plumipes_ spiders came running towards Ty and Shazza, ready to kill them.

"Destroy!" said Tony Abbott. "Destroy EVERYTHING, my pretties!" The spiders rushed towards Ty and Shazza, but Ty got Shazza away from there.

Some of the spiders crawled up Tony Abbott, crawling into his speedo, which aroused him and made him orgasm. Then the spiders bit him in the cock, injecting him with poison and killing him. Boss Cass tried to run away and get home, but not before summoning the remaining lifeguards and rugby players.

Ty and Shazza fled the prison hall while the spiders ate all the ugly Aborigine prisoners. The two of them eventually reached the basement, where Ty activated the self-destruct button, which would destroy the place in 15 minutes. Ty and Shazza had enough time to steal a Jeep and flee the fortress. While the two were driving away, the fortress exploded in a cataclysmic whirl, killing Boss Cass and all the spiders and all the speedo-wearing bogans.

Ty took Shazza back to her house, where her mother Maureen and her little sister Naomi were waiting. Shazza got out and hugged her mother.

"Shazza!" said Maureen. "I was so worried!"

"We thought you were a goner!" said Naomi.

"I'm okay," said Shazza. "It was all thanks to Ty."

"Aw, shucks," said Ty. "It was the least I could do."

Shazza gave Ty a big, sloppy kiss on the lips. Then everyone went inside, had a nice supper, and spent the rest of the night in peace. Luckily for Shazza, none of Tony Abbott's faggots had gotten her pregnant since humans cannot impregnate dingoes.

Meanwhile, in a dark void, Queen Metalia, ruler of the Dark Kingdom and Sailor Moon's arch-nemesis, scolded the ghosts of Tony Abbott and Boss Cass.

"You faggots," she crooned. "You failed to destroy Southern Rivers, Ty, and Shazza. I knew I was wrong in relying on a pair of sodomites. You will pay for this!"

"But...but..." said Tony Abbott.

"No buts," said Queen Metalia. "YOU LOST! Now I will cast you into hell where Satan will have no mercy on you." Queen Metalia laughed evilly.

"NOOOOOOOO!" screamed Tony Abbott and Boss Cass as they were sent to hell and cast into the Lake of Fire with David Pocock and all the other speedo-wearing lifeguards and rugby players.

"Ignorant, stupid little weaklings," said Queen Metalia. "I need more competent minions."

 **THE END**

* * *

And now the story's over. Please review in the comments.


End file.
